I like my life.

apologies for the navel-gazing moment...

This idea shouldn't be a revelation, but it is. The notion that I don't regret parts of my life in spite of all the ups and downs is new. Credit is, in part, due to a recent conversation about my maternal grandfather. He was a staid, upstanding, academic man from a staid, upstanding, blue-blood upbringing. He was also a very accomplished man--author of nine books, drafter of the U.N. Charter, recipient of fellowships and letters from such eminent figures as Winston Churchill. And the point of the conversation was how much he would disapprove of my life up to this point.

Obviously, as anyone who has known me a long time or who has read certain posts on this blog knows, there are plenty of things about my life that I regret. There are lessons I wish I had learned without hurting myself or other people. But the reality is I can't change any of that. What I can do is continue to grow and evolve based on those lessons. I can also learn to accept and love my life--whether or not my forebears would approve of it.

They would not approve--I'm fairly certain--of the fact that I count among my friends pool players, a soft-core pornographer, a F-to-M transexual, a witch, and all manner of ne'er-do-wells. I'm being partly sarcastic, partly serious. The reality is that I was raised to certain class boundaries, but I've spent good chunks of my life trying to live beyond the small neighborhood of expectations built by my families.

At some level, I think I've done this to escape certain insecurities and unhappiness with myself. When the need to compensate for insecurities fades, however, it is easier to see the good in one's actual life. And when you realize that unhappiness only breeds more unhappiness, it becomes easier to let stupid stuff go.

The point? Is there one? Can there really be one when life is constantly evolving? Yeah. The point is that we are in control of our own happiness.

(End navel-gazing moment. Return to regularly unscheduled programming.)