Tuesday, October 02, 2007

trauma, pt. 600

The physical pain comes and goes. Apparently, though I avoided any severe physical damage (euphemisms, ahoy!), I have suffered some nerve damage. The extent of it will be tested next week. In the meantime, I am on nerve meds again. They are helping, but they exacerbate the effects of alcohol, I've discovered.

More than that...

As much as the physical pain continues, the psychological pain seems to get worse. I go through random moments when I lose focus on where I am. There are the occasional flashbacks which come more regularly than they did a few months ago. There is a distinct lack of motivation, and it's more than just burnout from work. The issues have gotten to the point that I even randomly lose my focus in the midst of a conversation. Worst, I can't seem to let go of how close I was to dying.

Apparently, I healed so quickly on the outside that I forgot healing internally would take a lot longer.