Fits and Starts

Hello.

My name is Paul.

I started this blog 10 years ago, months before moving to Richmond. It was a pursuit in keeping myself writing through dark times and happy days, delving into my passions in parenting, design, food and drink, music, and more miscellany. It was also a form of therapy after I was shot and as I dealt with life as a full-time single dad. I've put it down a couple of times and returned a couple of times. I went from posting a few times a day to posting a few times a year.

Well, life has again taken some pretty big zig zags, and I am finding that this may be the place I need to return. I have found — the hard way — that keeping things inside is very bad for me. I become someone I don't like, and I run away from the world. I lose track of who I want to be and how I want to see myself.

I've lately thought a lot about Langston Hughes "A Dream Deferred." After all, you can only shut yourself down for so long before you wither, fester, sag, or explode... And none of these are good for the world, or yourself.

Without getting into the details, suffice it to say that my life exploded a couple months ago and turned inside out. I might as well have stuck a stick of dynamite in a house of cards. Anyway, the other day, I was telling a friend the stories, and she stopped me and asked what I was doing to get some relief and release for it all. I shrugged. See, the truth is I haven't been doing anything to get any relief or release for it all. I haven't been writing. I haven't been reading. I haven't been designing. I haven't been cooking much. I haven't been taking the pup for the kinds of walks that would provide either of us as much exercise as we need. I haven't been swimming. I haven't even really been enjoying life all that much.

And this needs to change. I guess part of writing this and nudging/coaxing/encouraging myself to get back on the blog is a way of opening the channels — and developing some accountability to myself. After all, how can I be accountable to other people if I can't even be honest and accountable with myself. It's also a way of stepping back into something I really enjoy doing. The initial decision to step away from the blog was because it bothered someone who was in my life. The second decision to step away from it was driven by someone who profoundly affected my life in negative ways, someone whose response to a simple post shut me down.

Well, you know what? This thing is and always has been about me and how I see and want to see the world. It has been about providing a channel of words about food, music, parenting, life, travel, politics, and whatever the hell else caught my attention. And I loved doing it — no matter how many people read it.

So, yeah... I might be back for a while this time.

P